Redskins’ Fred Davis is defending himself in a civil suit and the transcripts are the best thing you’ll read all day

A woman by the name of Makini R. Chaka has filed a civil complaint against Washington Redskin’s tight end Fred Davis after he allegedly dumped juice on her head and busted her lip at a Washington, DC, nightclub. In the complaint, Chaka has accused Davis of assaulting, harassing, and threatening to kill her.

Davis denies all the charges and the two went to court on April 10 for a hearing in DC Superior Court where things got pretty interesting. And by pretty interesting, we mean pretty hilarious.

Here’s the first clue that Davis probably shouldn’t be representing himself.

“It’s just all made up and flagellant,” Davis told the judge during his closing argument. (Davis has no formal legal training, according to Jean Kuei, Davis’s former attorney.)

No formal legal training? Well, you don’t say.

Now let’s get into the details. First, let’s hear from Davis’ bodyguard Stewart Prince on Chaka’s “profession”.

“It is well-known in the sports and entertainment industry, particularly in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area, that [Chaka] recruits women to work for her and provide sexual favors to athletes or other entertainer[s] in exchange for money,” Prince said in court documents. He said he knew “at least two women who [Chaka] attempted to recruit to work for her in this capacity.”

Prince claimed Chaka “often carries her ‘pimp-cup’ with her, is acquainted with other well-known pimps including Bishop Don Juan (the ‘Bishop’) and frequently attends the Bishop’s Players’ Ball with her female escorts.

She carries a pimp cup? Really?

Meanwhile, Davis continues to prove that he has no business representing himself.

“You supply other people with girls,” Davis said to Chaka during the April hearing.

Way to bring it, Fred.

Now on to the meat of Chaka’s accusations.

During his birthday celebration in January 2011, David testified, despite his strained relationship with Chaka, he wanted to alert her that he and his friends would be moving near her table. He said he approached Chaka with the intention of telling her “we don’t got to be friends, just be cordial because I might take this section next to you.”

To get her attention, Davis said, he reached out and touched Chaka’s wrist.

Chaka claimed she arrived at Josephine with McGahee, former Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Justin Harper, and other Ravens players. Chaka testified that she was enjoying herself until she felt Davis’s hand on her wrist.

“He grabs my wrist and he starts calling me a bitch and going off on me,” Chaka testified. In response, she said, she threw her glass of Ciroc and pineapple juice in Davis’s face.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Davis testified. “I’m drenched. I’m mad.”

Chaka said Davis then “threatens to kill me, says he’s going to fuck me up, he’s going to come after me, he’s going to get me.”

After taking Davis away from Chaka, Davis’s friends urged him not to retaliate.

But minutes later, Davis—who testified, “I was embarrassed”—grabbed a pitcher of juice, snuck behind Chaka, and dumped the juice on her head. “He throws the flask at my face and busts my actual lip,” Chaka testified.
Chaka claimed in court documents that she “suffered visible injuries and sought medical attention.”

Really? Really?

But it gets better (or worse). The two have an exchange in the court room regarding a photo of Chaka, a woman, and two men and it’s utterly ridiculous.

Davis: “As it shows, you also have your hand on his genitals. I mean why would you take a picture like that?”
Chaka: “I do not. Let’s look closely at the exhibit right here, Judge. Where is my hand placed in this exhibit?”
Judge: “I do not answer questions. . . . The witness does.”
Chaka: “Can you tell me where my hand is actually at in this photo?”
Davis: “It looks like it’s in the genitals to me. I mean your hands are on his genitals. Your hand is on his—”
Chaka: “Objection.”

What the h#ll is going on here?


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