Sometimes a title writes itself. This one did.
Sometimes a title tells you all you need to know about a story. This one does.
So instead of all the filler that I could add to this, we’ll just jump right in.
Lodi police arrested Shawn Batie, 42, at 9:41 p.m. on Friday night after they said he was found under the influence of methamphetamines.
Police said that Batie was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string and a hair scrunchie around his genitals. He was also wearing socks.
No, no, no. There’s no turning back now. There’s more.
Officers said that he was very jittery and his pupils were dilated. They took him into custody on suspicion of being under the influence, which was later confirmed at the jail where it was discovered that he was also a parolee at-large, police said.
While en route to the jail, officers said that Batie became very uncooperative. When asked why he wasn’t wearing pants, police said that he insisted that “they must have been taken.”
Police said once at the jail, Batie proceeded to smear his feces on the walls.
Al Davis would be proud.