Fenway Park Set To Sell Hard Liquor, Red Sox Fans Set To Live In Jail

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Here are few questions we can answer together to start things off:

1) Have you ever attended a MLB game?
Yes.

2) Have you ever seen someone drinking a beer at a MLB game?
Yes. (Maybe you saw yourself, if you’re able to do that sort of thing.)

3) Did that same someone become a belligerent drunk in the later stages of that MLB game?
Yes. (Maybe your friends told you that you were that guy.)

4) And finally, did the cops end up having to escort that someone to their reserved room at the local pokey?
Yes. (You don’t even remember that night, do you?)

So now that we’ve answered yes to those questions, let’s just take a moment to think about how this scenario would play out if the drinks were hard liquor and not beer.

Ugly, right? Well, that scenario will soon be playing out at Fenway Park at each and every game.


The Boston Red Sox said yesterday that they have reached an agreement with Mayor Thomas M. Menino, Boston police, and several community groups to begin selling mixed alcoholic beverages to fans with seats throughout Fenway Park.

During a hearing before the Boston Licensing Board, Red Sox officials said they sealed the agreement during a Monday meeting with Boston police and other city officials. The Red Sox agreed to limit the sale of the mixed drinks to five refreshment stands and to move one of those stands farther away from the bleacher section.

Team officials and their representatives said that there would be no sales of straight hard liquor to fans in general seating areas, and that the alcohol content of the mixed drinks would be no greater than the alcohol content of a cup of beer.

Riiiiight.

To assuage the concerns of police and Menino, the Red Sox also agreed to halt the sale of mixed drinks two hours after the games begin. Beer sales are allowed until the end of the seventh inning or 2 1/2 hours after the game starts.

Um, yeah. For some reason, I don’t think an extra 30 minutes but that’s just me.

At any rate, good luck Boston. You’re going to need it.


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Comments

  1. What an absolutely awful idea. The last thing any team needs is for its resident drunks to have an opportunity to be more drunk.

  2. Now I now how the captain of the Titanic must have felt if I was with stadium security. "Give the yahoo's more fuel! That's the answer!"…

  3. And "know" too….;)

  4. Anonymous says:

    Speaking of the Titanic…..did you know that the sinking of the Titanic in April, 1918, happened on the SAME DAY Fenway Park was opened? I have always said that the Red Sox are the Anti-Christ! Looks like they selected an average Sox fan for the photo…..2didget IQ, no class.

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