Opening Day is a glorious occasion for so many people. Parents play hooky from work. Kids play hooky from school. All so that they are able to head to their favorite team’s ball park for the action. And to celebrate the return of baseball.
Things were not so different on the South side of Chicago. In fact, one couple would argue that things couldn’t get any better than this year’s version of opening day for the Chicago White Sox. Not because of the usual things that go on during Opening Day festivities, but because they consummated their Opening Day experience on the floor of a bathroom stall in U.S. Cellular Field.
Behold the tale being told through the eyes of an astonished doctor who had to choose between his medicinal oath and shielding his unassuming 6-year-old from the humping.
On Monday, Nemeth’s son had to go, and his father took him to the nearest restroom. They stood in line for the first urinal next to a row of stalls.
As they waited, Nemeth said, he noticed noises coming from the last stall. A man’s legs — clad in blue jeans and sneakers — were sticking out from under the stall door.
“The toes were pointing up,” said Nemeth. “The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on.”
As a trained physician, he had an idea what was happening in there, but he worried it might have been something else.
“It was bizarre. It caught the attention of a lot of people. I tried to turn my boy’s attention away from it, then I thought, ‘Is someone having a seizure?’
“So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make sure nobody was dying in there. That’s when I heard a woman’s voice yell, ‘HEY, STOP!’ Something was going on and I had interrupted.”
Moments later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The tall man held his arms up in triumph.
“His arms were straight up, like in victory,” Nemeth said. “Everybody was hooting and hollering and giving high-fives.”
Then a second person left the stall, someone Nemeth described as apparently female, “scurrying” out of the restroom with a shirt or coat over her head.
“It was disgusting. Probably the most disgusting thing was the encouragement this guy received from the other guys in the bathroom. You can’t even go to a baseball game anymore without being subjected to this?”
His son began asking questions. Nemeth told him not to worry about it. They finished their business and got out of there.
Luckily for Dr. Nemeth and his son, Opening Day only comes once a year.
Sexual hijinks in Sox Park bathroom taint Opening Day (Chicago Tribune)
Have some breaking news or an interesting story we should see? Hit us up at firstname.lastname@example.org