As you all know, tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow is that day that Tiger Woods will read a prepared statement to all of us. Aren’t you excited? I know you are.
In typical Tiger fashion, the entire event will be planned from beginning to end. I’m sure thought has been put into what he’s gonna wear, what time he’s gonna arrive, what time he’s gonna leave, and everything else one can think of.
But there is one thing he may not have planned. And lucky for him, I have him covered. You see, every good production comes equipped with a good soundtrack. So if Tiger wants tomorrow’s production to be good, he should go with this soundtrack.
You’re welcome, Tiger.
Apologize – Timbaland featuring One Republic
This is your “setting the mood” song. Chicks love this song. And before you know it, everyone present will be humming it. It will take the edge off the situation.
Now, as you walk out, hit them with this instrumental:
Cleanin’ Out My Closet – Eminem
No need for the words. The instrumental is just fine. They’ll get the idea.
Once you’re ready to begin, use the first couple of minutes to apologize to Elin and you’re family. Let this play in the background while you deliver your heartfelt apology:
Sorry For 2004 – Ruben Studdard
It’s fitting since you and Elin were married in 2004. Just think of it as your sorry for 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, and 2009. (If you need 2010 too, just slip it in. We assume you need to apologize for 2010 anyway)
Once you’re done with your family, it’s time to apologize to everyone else. Go ahead and deliver that apology while this song takes em back to 93. A much simpler time.
All Apologies – Nirvana
Go ahead and shed a tear or two while this is playing. It can’t hurt.
Next brief everyone on your future plans and thank everyone for coming. Then stand up and walk out with your head held high while the speakers blare this:
Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor
And just like that, YOU’RE BACK BABY!
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