Hey Look Everybody, It’s A Letter From David Kahn

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Gather round children, for we have just received a letter from your favorite and our favorite Prez of Basketball Operations, David Kahn. I know you’re undoubtedly sitting on the edge of your seat awaiting to hear what the Kahn has to say because this guy is revolutionizing the Prez of Basketball Operations position right before our eyes.

I’ve been studying Kahn’s moves for about a month or so and I’ve noticed that he doesn’t deal in conventional methods. The Prez’s methods and dialect are sometimes hard to follow, so I’ll be here to give everyone a “translation” of what he is saying in this awesomley written letter. So now, I’ll turn the floor over to your Prez, our Prez, Prez Kahn.

Dear Timberwolves fans and supporters,

I’m pleased to announce that we’ve reached an agreement in principle with Kurt Rambis to be our new head coach. The search was extensive and thorough, and I’m completely confident that Kurt is the right man to help us develop into a championship-caliber team.

Kurt played for Pat Riley and coached alongside Phil Jackson, arguably two of the three greatest coaches in NBA history. He is ready for this.

Translation: I’ve been a Lakers’ fan all my life. And even though our last coach had coaching experience and played on some of the greatest teams in NBA history, the fact remains that he’s a Celtic. And aint no Celtic ready for this.

Each candidate for this job had three threshold issues they had to agree to in order to be considered:

(1) I want our franchise to become the league leader in player development, and player development starts with the head coach. It is his job to execute this vision.

Translation: Besides me, the players are the most important people in this organization. If it means that we hold off finding a coach because Ricky Rubio needs to be chased down, it shall be done.

(2) We will be a running, up-tempo team. Yes, there will be many instances when we will need to rely upon Al Jefferson and a half-court offense, but our identity will be fast break basketball.

As a player, Kurt was a member of the Los Angeles Lakers “Showtime” teams. Those teams thrived by using an up-tempo style, yet knew how to score in the half-court when necessary. They also played outstanding defense. Kurt is committed to employing such a style that will complement the young, athletic players we are assembling.

Translation: Kevin McHale was able to coach while he was here, so why can’t I? I won’t be on the bench, but as you can see, I will dictate how we play. As I said, I love the Lakers so you know I loved me some “Showtime”. Kurt will help with that nostalgic feeling. Besides, we have signed the most point guards in the NBA this off season. Certainly one of them is the next Magic Johnson. Right?

(3) The minutes distributed to our young nucleus in the next two years must be done with an eye toward the big picture and not the short term. Meaning, we must play our young players consistently and let them learn through their mistakes, even if it means sacrificing a win or two along the way.

Translation: I just want to let you all know that we will once again suck, but it will be “Showtime” in Minnesota. And that’s all I care about. Man I love the Lakers.

With his vast experience in the NBA as a championship player and coach, Kurt has the ability to help lay the foundation for what we aim to be — NBA champions. He is, by all accounts, hard-working and a hands-on teacher. He will help shape and mold our players to bring out the best in them.

Translation: I loved him during those “Showtime” years.

The two other finalists for this position, Mark Jackson and Elston Turner, are tremendous persons worthy of a head coaching opportunity. They are class individuals. But, in the end, I believed Kurt’s personality, background and experience made him the best fit for us.

Translation: These guys never played for the Lakers. They aint ready for this.

As always, thank you for your interest and passion.

David Kahn

The Prez has spoken. Now go forth and spread the good news.

A letter to fans from David Kahn (AP via USA Today)

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Comments

  1. Real Fake Sports says:

    It's going to be a LONG year in Minnesota.

  2. Los Brown says:

    Very long, especially if he made his decision solely based on the fact that Kurt played with Magic, Worthy and Kareem.

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