I’ve never spoken to Brett Favre. I’ve never even seen him in person. He’s not even one of my favorite players. Heck of a player, but it’s kinda hard to call the guy that throws bombs up and down the field year after year against your favorite team a favorite. What can I say? I’m a Bears fan.
But when I heard that Brett Favre put down $30,000 down on a condo in Minnesota, I instantly knew exactly what Favre required for his new condo. It was like Brett and I sat through hours of HGTV programming as he pointed out everything that he needed for a house to be a home. And since I’m not stingy and I’m sure you’re dying to get this inside info, I’ll take you on a little tour of Favre’s new condo. It’ll be like MTV cribs without the cameras. And Brett Favre. And MTV.
As we walk in the door, you must admit, the place is immaculate. Hardwood floors, nice lighting, just immaculate. Now follow me to the living room. Such a grand space. Look at that fireplace. What’s that, you say? Why is that moose head on the floor?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your step. You can’t be stepping on the deer skin rug with your shoes on.
That will come in handy when Mrs. Favre comes to town. C’mon, let me show you the kitchen.
Here we are in the kitchen. Marble counter tops, stainless steel appliances, nice island. Man, this is nice isn’t it? There’s an extra refrigerator and freezer over in that corner, you say? And it’s old and dirty? Let me check it out. Oh yeah, Favre asked for that.
It’s to keep the wild animals fresh that he will be undoubtedly using as pranks on his new teammates. On to the bedroom.
Just look at these walls. Have you even seen a bedroom painted so masterfully?
Hey, look. Here’s the closet.
I know right. Very, very spacious. And already stocked full with Wranglers. What? No you can’t have a pair. Because I’m sure Brett knows just how many pairs he has in here.
You need to use the bathroom? It’s through that door.
(A loud screams comes from the bathroom) My bad, I forgot to warn you about the toilets. Yeah, I love them too.
They go great with the walls. Ok, finish up so we can get outta here before someone catches us in Brett’s condo.
(Walking out the door) Awesome pad huh? Brett sure knows how to decorate. Your hands smell like what?
Oh yeah. I forgot to also warn you that the soap dispensers all have Bengay in them. It should do wonders for your arthritic hands though. Just don’t rub your eyes and you’ll be fine.