University Of Minnesota’s Football Games Will Be Even More Boring This Fall

Do you see the joy in these University of Minnesota students? It’s Saturday afternoon (it has to be Saturday afternoon because the Gophers only play in the 12:00 pm game on ESPN2), they have just gotten their first 1st down, and every one of them is so drunk that they don’t notice that they are losing 28-0. A good time is being had by all.

If any of those students happens to be reading this, I have some bad news. Those good times will be a thing of the past. Sure, you’ll still be watching football at 12:00 pm on Saturdays and ESPN2 will still be there. You’ll also jump up and cheer when the Gophers finally get that elusive 1st down late in the 4th quarter. But what will be missing is that drunken stupor that makes everything feel alright. Why you ask? Because you won’t be able to buy any booze at Gophers’ games this year. That’s why.

ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — This fall’s eagerly awaited return of Minnesota football to campus after 27 years will feature nostalgia, pageantry and fresh air. But no beer.

University President Robert Bruininks is expected to recommend Friday that regents ban alcohol from the new TCF Bank Stadium following a dispute with state lawmakers.

“We know people will drink before they get to our games. We’re not naive,” Bruininks told The Associated Press on Thursday. “But we do think this is the best, most responsible way to manage our game days and to really make this a high-quality experience for our fans.”

Hey Prez, new flash! The only way that you can make a Gophers’ football game a “high-quality experience” (you’re pushing it, by the way) is if there’s booze involved. Without it, people are better off going to one of the university’s ballet recitals. I can’t wait to see the sober-fest in Minneapolis this fall on the duece.

Minnesota may bar booze at sporting events (AP via SI)

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