Ex-Football Players Peddling Hopes Of Weight Loss Through Chocolaty Goodness

The two manly men in the photo are ex-NFLers, Fred Smerlas and Steve DeOssie. In case you’re enamored with that Bernie Lomax mustache and was wondering which is which, Smerlas is Lomax and DeOssie is the other guy by default. Now that we’ve gotten the introductions out of the way, let’s get into Smerlas’ and DeOssie’s new business venture.

It seems that the duo has found the breakthrough of the week in the field of weight loss. The breakthrough? Eating chocolate. Now, now. That’s not nice. Let’s at least hear them out first. Then we can continue with what you’re thinking.

I don’t have a scale, but I can tell by my clothes that I’ve lost weight, said DeOssie, the former New England Patriots linebacker who pegged his weight at 305 pounds. I’ve been up and down in my weight for years, but this chocolate seems to be working.

Who needs a scale anyhow? No need to actually check your weight. As long as it seems to be working and you can tell by your clothes, it has to be working. We’re definitely sucked in now. Tell us, how does it work?

To curb your appetite, the makers suggest eating one wafer with 8 ounces of water before meals. Tru Chocolate boasts that, if the plan is followed, dieters can lose a pound a day. A bag, which contains 15 individually wrapped chocolate pieces, costs $21.50 after an enrollment fee of $10.

A pound a day? That’s 30 (or 31 or 28 or 29, no need to get technical) pounds a month. So you mean to tell me that all I have to come up with is about $140 to cover my meals for a month and I can be 30 pounds lighter? I’m placing my order as we speak. Who else is with me?

Ex-Patriots promise sweet weight loss (Boston Herald)

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